Kenyan author and digital creator Lilian Ng’ang’a has opened up about finally embracing her legacy as the former First Lady of Machakos County, admitting that for a long time, she struggled with shame, public scrutiny and the fear of appearing “stuck in the past.”
In a reflective video shared online, Lilian revealed that a recent interview request about her book unexpectedly forced her to confront unresolved feelings about her past role in Machakos County and the public criticism that followed her highly publicized relationship breakup.
According to Lilian, her initial reaction to being approached for an interview about her book Madam First Lady was disbelief.
“So, last month, I got a message from this lady and she wanted to interview about my book,” she said.
“And my first response was almost like, ‘I think you have the wrong number. Which book are you talking about? I don’t have a book, right? I’m not an author.’”
As she reflected further, Lilian realized the hesitation was not actually about the book itself, but about the emotional baggage attached to that chapter of her life.
“And then I asked myself, why is this my first reaction?” she explained.
The mother of one said she eventually recognized that after her relationship ended, she had intentionally distanced herself from everything connected to Machakos County because she feared people would interpret any reference to that period as proof she had not moved on.
“I did the book as soon as I got out of my relationship in the county,” she said.
“And I felt if I kept talking about it, it would seem like I haven’t moved on.”
Lilian also acknowledged the intense criticism she faced publicly during that period, saying the backlash pushed her toward silence and emotional detachment from that part of her identity.
“People attacked me so much,” she admitted.
“I really wanted to just move on quietly,…… no attachment to the county at all.”
But during the reflection, Lilian said she experienced a shift in perspective.
“And now during this clip, I’m thinking and I realize it’s bullshit,” she said candidly.
“Because I was the first First Lady of Machakos County, right? You can’t argue with that.”
“And the things that I did, they’re tangible, and they will always be a part of my legacy,” she stated.
She also reflected on what that legacy means for her son in the future.
“My baby will grow up and see mommy was here. She did this when she was at this place,” she said.
“That makes me proud. I mean, I’m sure he’s gonna be proud as well.
The creator also announced that she has now converted Madam First Lady into an e-book available on Amazon, encouraging supporters to read it and share feedback.
Lilian further challenged herself during the video, openly questioning why she had allowed shame to shape her relationship with her own achievements.
“What is this shame that I had? Even shame on me, if I can say that.”
